You’re in the middle of a rare family dinner and your cell phone rings—there’s a crisis at work that needs your immediate attention. Distracted, your thoughts focused elsewhere, you half-listen to the kids and your husband as they talk about their day.

The next morning at work you’re in the middle of a meeting trying to resolve leftover problems from the day before when your teenage daughter calls to tell you she missed the bus and needs a ride to school and by the way the bathtub overflowed and now there’s water leaking through the ceiling. That’s when your pager goes off—it’s your son—you forgot to sign his permission slip for a school trip.

And all you can sputter is, “Call your father.”

It’s enough to make you long for the days of carrier pigeons and the pony express.

Communication and easy access can be a modern blessing but constant interruption and the failure to establish boundaries and balance between your professional life and your personal life might be taking a toll on your family.

When it comes to evaluating the consequences of new technology, expert views are divided according to Dr. Noelle Chesley, assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

“In one camp are those who argue that blurred/work family boundaries are potentially bad for people and families because they promote overwork, an accelerated family life and continual interruption. Others argue that technology use has the potential to support work arrangements that enhance flexibility, thereby reducing conflicts between work and family.”

If you feel as if the division between your work life and your home life is being compromised by the technology—cell phone, fax, email, pager, voice mail, BlackBerry—that once promised to set us free then you’re in good company.

“Working men and women who regularly used a cell phone/pager over a two-year time period also experienced an increase in psychological distress and a decrease in family satisfaction over the same two-year time period when compared with people who didn’t use these technologies or used them intermittently,” says Dr. Chesley, author of a recent study that analyzed the responses of working couples to technology and to the blurring of boundaries between home and office.

Most study subjects were white-collar, managerial or professional workers and came from dual-wage-earner family situations.

The use of cell phones/pagers is linked to an increase in job worries or concerns spilling over from work to home, Dr. Chesley reports.

“For both working men and women it looks like steady cell phone/pager use is providing another point of access that allows home worries to infiltrate work. This process also explains why women cell phone/pager users were experiencing higher distress and lower family satisfaction. For women, this increased access—to work and home—is connected to these problematic outcomes.”

Regular computer use including email/Internet access didn’t appear to be a contributing factor.

“I examined the possibility that these technologies might also promote positive sorts of spillover experiences from home to work or work to home. There’s no evidence of anything positive at work.”

Interestingly, when it comes to spillover, women appear to take the hardest hit.

“Women get a double-whammy,” says Dr. Chesley. “Use of cell phones or pagers was also linked to an increase in home worries or concerns spilling over from home to work. So, for working women only, it looks like steady cell phone/pager use is providing another point of access that allows home worries to infiltrate work.”

Divide and Conquer:

Deciding to create a firm division between work and home is the first step to re-claiming the sanctity of your family life. Some tips for taking back control:

• Know the definition of “emergency.” A car accident is an emergency, an explosion is an emergency—a glitch in contract negotiations is something that can wait until nine am.
• Re-define the work week. Your days off are exactly that—make them a work-free zone. A salary is compensation for services rendered—you’re not a purchasable commodity.
• Prioritize and mean it—your personal life must take precedence over your work life. Don’t volunteer for extra duty just to ingratiate yourself with boss or staff especially when it comes at the expense of your family.
• Turn off your cell phone. Establish some simple rules regarding cell-phone etiquette. No calls after nine pm. Make it clear that contacting you during off-hours is off-limits, except in the case of a true emergency that demands your immediate attention.
• Keep things in perspective. Distract yourself with family activities. Dissipate anxiety through exercise.
• Think independently and don’t mindlessly adhere to the compulsive behavior or round-the-clock demands of colleagues.
• Try to generate a discussion at work about the perils of spillover with the goal of establishing reasonable expectations.
• Encourage your spouse to share “communication” duties concerning the kids, which means that fathers need to be as accessible as mothers.